no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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