I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
