Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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