so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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