Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
