I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
