$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can I color on your dick again?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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