When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
