I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
