We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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