i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
