But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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