At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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