He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
