from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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