just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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