Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
