Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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