I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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