sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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