he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
