I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
