i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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