My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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