New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
