My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
