I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
