Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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