Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
