I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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