Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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