i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
