did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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