I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drunk is not a location!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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