my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
