AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't put those talents on a resume
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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