Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
