I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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