Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
