party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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