I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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