My liver just broke up with me...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
