He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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