i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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