Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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