so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
