My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
