She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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