The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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