It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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