How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you had me at cake vodka
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
