You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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