oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
