But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize