So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
