she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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