dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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