If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
