I want to stick my p in your. b.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
