My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
