Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
