people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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