worst night to have a conscience
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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