I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
