My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
