He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize