I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
