remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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