remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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