so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
