If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
