I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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