"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
