An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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