She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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