3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
