So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
