quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
