I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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