i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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