were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
