; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
