Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
