I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
