Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize