i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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