I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
